sunclouds.blogspot

2007-01-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

goodbye. hello.

2006-12-31T00:22:00.000+08:00

and just when i thought i have escaped the flawed clutches of inappropriate army lingo forever, a familiar incorrect usage bounces back. as i applied for a job in this tourist attraction, i encountered a computer generated reply of:

Thank you for sending us your details. We will revert to you if you have been shortlisted. If not, we will retain your details for any future possibilities...

upon investigation via dictionary.com, i rediscover the appropriate meaning of the highlighted word in the passage:

re·vert
–verb (used without object)
1. to return to a former habit, practice, belief, condition, etc.: They reverted to the ways of their forefathers.
2. Law. to go back to or return to the former owner or to his or her heirs.
3. Biology. to return to an earlier or primitive type.
4. to go back in thought or discussion: He constantly reverted to his childhood.

hmmm. brings us to ponder whether singapore can break free from the neverending cycle of imperfect english at all :D

2006-12-28T22:46:00.000+08:00

if i could tell you a million things about me now, where would i start? would it be the mindless gatherings held over festive seasons, the incessant nagging of empty wallets, the solo streaming of movies and dramas that make me cry over and over, or the friendlessness after the fun? does it matter if i told you one after the other, as if rearranging the alphabet would bring about change. like it wouldn't make a difference if you told me you were gay. if i could win you over, is there a prize? (and you said the GST hike could curb you, if only you earned more.) you tell me so little about yourself and shroud yourself in so much. am i supposed to stay nonchalant or pry under the bed to find you hugging your evil twisted self? would i shriek or join you in that mangy doghouse? i don't know what to make of you and i never could. you leave me with my own devices and i place them carefully on the shelf, careful not to break them, waiting to see if they would grow legs and disappear into the moonlight. would you call, if i told you i've been waiting all this while, yearning for a mindless striptease, spurring you on to touch me over - the privates and all - and over. is sin so painful to bear, that we have to leave someone crucified and to let that memory torture us? must we pray to (/ for) our own morals, and have faith in what we think we own, to relive everlasting nothingness, not to own.

if i could tell you a million things about you, i wouldn't know how to start.

xoxoxo
your pet tiger

2006-12-19T17:09:00.000+08:00

i splurged at the kino 20%-off storewide yest, with a baggage amounting to $142.34 (after discount!). that should about cover the christmas gifts for myself; since xmas is another of those commericalised festivals that acts as an excuse to spend unthinkingly. among items purchased:

Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
Most Of Us Are Here Against Our Will by David Levinson
The Reasons I Won't Be Coming by Elliot Perlman

Royston's Shorts (DVD)
The Squid and The Whale (VCD)

and just after telling eugene that i can't find anything i want but do not need anymore on saturday, i found myself craving for a ipod nano Red and Munchkins.

oh and yesterday was the start of The rain. behold the week of indoor activities (unless i decide to catch a cold). it just rains and rains and rains. sigh.

2006-12-13T20:43:00.000+08:00

life hasn't been to the stage of being boring, but i've lost the will to blog.

but the ironic part is that i've got a new blog idea ready, i just need a server for it. if anyone's willing to host, for free or for a nominal fee, please message.

2006-11-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

i've just turned down an opportunity to work at armani exchange for 6 per hour simply because it takes too much of my time and there's no holiday pay. so in exchange, i have this much to complete this season:

1. refurbish room (ie. repaint walls, design murals, finalise furniture placement)
2. book/study for basic theory driving
3. learn cycling/blading
4. plan johor outing(s)
5. plan sentosa outing(s)
6. continue selfstudy for arabic
7. complete ghost whisperer season 1 and the rest of my dvds
8. gym at smu
9. pick up a sport (tennis/badminton/dancing)
0. swim and suntan

if anyone wants to join me for anything listed above or more, please leave me a message and i will get back to you asap.

2006-11-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

i figure it's time to update this stagnant piece of whitewash before i blog again and have to meticulously fill in the blanks in my life.

i am currently out of work, feverishly slacking at home by spending the time on the couch in front of the tv or doing pushups at random times of the day or playing piratekingonline with oliver and jackson (which i have currently substituted with plucking the strings on my now rediscovered pipa).

i have applied for jobs, albeit very unethusiastically, with recruitexpress and newurbanmale.com, of which i have heard naught about from either company. i think i will go down to lonsdale and kelly's to apply some more before mosquitoes hatch from my eyeballs.

the past week has been spent mostly with oliver (yes, very gay i know). out of the 4 days we were together, 2 was with jackson and the other 2 with chong. and we have been to the level 9 LAN arena 3 out of those 4 times.

i have matriculated. still viciously waiting for card, though.

and after i get the smu privilege card i will start visiting the famous gym and go for a haircut at klearcuts where i dyed my hair a week back after relieving my i/c of its uncomfortable position in the cabinet of my chief clerk.

wei jun intro-ed me to the world of network marketing, in a slightly devious way, where i nearly got conned into joining a company called enyouth. i spent the next day doing research and subsequently went down to his office to persuade him to quit, which i failed to accomplish and ironically got someone else sitting in front of me convincing me to join again.

today i helped phoenix wright the attorney prove his client, will powers, not guilty of a murder that backfired on the initial murderer.

bottomline is, i need a real job to earn money.

2006-11-12T16:53:00.000+08:00

i was on my way back from the pool as i watched a 5 year old kid run through the underground tunnels of the mrt station, and a question visualised in my head:

when was the last time i jumped out of bed without a care in the world?

honestly, i couldn't formulate an answer for this one. i doubt the answer can even be found within the depths of my tappable memory. well, it's not that i don't want to, but without a care in the world seems hard when every moment of my life i seem to be planning for my future, whether it's 5 seconds down the road or 30 years. it's a neverending thought for survival.

in fact, i can't even remember when the last time i jumped out of bed was; apart from last night when i awoke abruptly from yet another falling dream.

2006-11-08T23:40:00.000+08:00

when carrie underwood wins
watch out for faith hill's reaction; this is priceless. hahahahahahahaha :D

2006-10-31T11:49:00.000+08:00

Wee Shu Min on Technorati/ Wikipedia/ mrbrownshow/ mrmiyagi/ insanepoly/ shaox
(read shaox's for full news in a page, albeit a pretty long one)

It's pretty ironic that an MP's daughter manages to give us a taste of reporters sans frontières (after Singapore being ranked 146th this year, now trailing badly from Afghanistan), keeping in mind that she was not punished simply on account of a half-hearted apology, which earned the whole-hearted wrath of many a Singaporean. I personally disagree that she should be let off so lightly on this account, with merely a boost to her ego and emotional trauma of collective hate. After all, I started paying the adult fare on public transport since I was 18, an age she has undoubtedly attained.

Despite all the hate going around, I must applaud Wee Shu Min for bringing this issue on elitism to light, sparking a podcast (refer mrbrownshow) and a satirical comic (insanepoly) on our concept of elites in the nation. Despite being labelled as part of the exclusive society of Gifted Education students and honestly finding not-so-intelligent people truly annoying, it is difficult for me to relate to myself as an elite. I empathise with Derek Wee's attitude of bleakness and his aptitude to whine, clearly a true reflection of the current Singaporean situation, which is nonetheless part of my lifestyle. A country is, after all, tasked to provide security and shelter for its citizens, not to ensure political standing for elites despite controversy sparking from family members. If a government scholar can be ripped off his scholarship simply because his father had been found guilty of absorbing capital from a national aeronautical company (and not based on a demise in merit), I do not see why a politician cannot be stripped off his appointment for having a daughter who writes on sensitive matters by poisoning the well. I mean, despite both events being completely different matters that cannot be discussed on the same table, you get my point.

Being the 2nd controversial female to graduate from Raffles' Girls Seconday School (after Anabel Chong) and the 4th interesting (after Annabel Chong, Kit Chan and Stefanie Sun), I must certainly congratulate the institution for continue churning out more forward-thinking personnel to entertain the world in the new generation (although it erks me to mention WSM, Annabel Chong, Kit Chan and Stefanie Sun in the same sentence). It is disturbing to note that WSM has been heavily influenced by the government's policy of social studies (which is not very social in the first place) as her reply to Derek's complaints were studded with governmentreport-worthy gems such as a need for the continual upgrading of one's self, anti-communism, foreign talent rocks, baby boon, we should be obedient road-sweepers instead of whining managers et cetera, albeit in a cynical, reverse-psychology manner.

I certainly do hope that this is a wakeup call for the lower class of uneducated citizens, with bad grammar and spelling, to stand up for their rights and mug hard to oppose the current situation of already rich people becoming academic elites and masters of spelling and grammar to steal capital off the government despite being able to fund their own education three times over. After all, if you're not good enough, life will kick you in the balls. And we certainly do not fancy that.

As for me, I really can't be bothered. You break my balls then at most grow two bigger ones on top and go for sex change lah. si mi lan jiao. this is damn lame, can?

2006-10-28T10:47:00.000+08:00

取自电影《如果·爱》

每个人的一生就像一部电影
而他们就是那部电影里的主角
有时候他们会以为自己也是别人电影里的主角
但是可能他们只是一个配角
只有一个镜头
更说不定他们的片断早被人剪掉了
自己居然还不知道

due to the buildup of things, i got so emo after watching this yesterday; the world just came tumbling down. but jasmin came to save the day. thanks friend! :)

2006-10-27T00:03:00.001+08:00

i used to be able to cry myself to sleep. but tonight, it seems impossible.

after tossing and tearing for an hour, i decided i needed to vent. so after attempting to clear my bowels, here i am - back, staring at this screen.

i don't know what to do with myself.

what happens when you get disappointed with friends? does that make them less than friends, maybe acquaintances? but if they become acquaintances, they can't hurt you as much as friends can, can they? so if i presume i've been hurt by friends, does that still make them my friends?

i appreciate when the class gets together, as much as most of them are not making an effort to stay. people always seem to have more friends, better friends, than the old friends. and needless to say, these old friends get the least time.

so i act nice and civil; i can't help but put on a smile. because i do enjoy the moment. but admitting that is no use, because nobody cares if i get stabbed a million times as long as a gathering happens.

they say we should get together more often, but i don't see why they don't.

ironically, at this point in time, i remember how we used to be. and how, on that faithful day, i skipped class to run away from it all. and how painful it felt, to be cheated over and over again.

this time, i'm not the one walking away.

saturday's halloween, and i don't know what to do.

2006-10-22T20:57:00.000+08:00

what the fuck. :(

2006-10-19T03:20:00.000+08:00

16th October 2006

this was scribbled at 5.30pm on the 40 min bus ride through the suburbs of tokyo back to the hotel. the sky had already fallen into darkness. staring out the window, the world felt unusually crowded.

《活着》

我踩过世界的谦虚，
践踏着蝴蝶的尊严，
用洗净的双手看日落。
有时快乐有时失落，
不须决定是否对错。
跟着Beatles的脚印横跨必经之路--
蓝天，有雾。随着微风吹来的诗
直奔上天。

有些事迹
无需信仰也能相信；
(那是爱情？
不，那是美丽过的痕迹)
其实只要懂得风和日丽
黑暗中也有光明。
是回忆。

吻着未占据的土壤，
在此地种下了谅解：
非得曾经拥有
才算幸福。
爱过，
也如此。
曾经，拥有。

(顿时，街灯亮了)

既然活着，那就
尽情。

i'm glad i found a little bit of myself back, over the vacation.

ps. thank you damian, shaox, huilin, alice, melissa, kenny(!), jinx, eunice and grace for the greetings. it's the thought that counts; thank you for thinking :)

pps. photos from japantrip will be gradually uploaded onto my flickr. minimal camwhoring as i pigged out in the first few days in hokkaido and couldn't bear to take much photos of myself after.

2006-10-10T02:19:00.000+08:00

every year on my birthday, i write a manic post about how good it is to be alive.

in a bid to break tradition - because i will soon lose teenage status - this year, i will share a song that has time and again given me the will to trudge on (which incidentally, has been on loop for some time now).

孙燕姿 -《相信》

突然觉得我只是一个人
有点孤单浅浅的忧郁
我不知道明天会不会很美丽
虽然今天天很蓝
而云很白风很凉

今天日记空白没有关系
不必每件事情都在意
不想工作不想困扰自己
不必刻意想你
该是我的总会来
就算挑战我不走开

一点点你的微笑
已经让我觉得温暖
我还不懂坚持
正好让我学会去爱

我曾经看见困难
变得胆小不够勇敢
但还是要相信
相信感觉相信简单

有一天
等我懂得事实也许更会幸福
至少现在让我去相信哦

我还是会相信
相信感觉相信简单

ps. will be in japan from 11/10 to 18/10, which explains why this entry comes early; i'll be celebrating my birthday with my parents on an island other than singapore. happy birthday to me :)

2006-10-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

Royston Tan - Mother
i'm so happy i found this on youtube! it's the saddest thing ever.

2006-09-28T14:08:00.000+08:00

i just took out 2 of my 4 wisdom teeth and now i can't do anything besides swallowing my blood. (if i took out all 4, i don't even think i can swallow my blood.)

2006-09-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

project runway opens another season on channel 5 and i'm already pretty pissed after watching the first episode. they booted the wrong contestant! funny how another reality tv show earns my wrath so quickly after monday night's idol event.

the first challenge was to tear down their apartment and make garments out of really goofy materials in the house. what was good about this season was that there wasn't actually a fashion oddball as in the previous seasons (ie. starr and guadalupe) besides the one with negative fashion sense, as you will see below.

i figured it was blardy obvious which should be eliminated; but noooo, the judges decided to vote in the african-looking design with a basket for headgear and rattan-woven pockets with yellow ribbons attached. gawrsh :|

[tag] free hugs

2006-09-25T22:39:00.000+08:00

hady mirza - an undeserving winner, really.

i can't describe it, but the aftermath of jonathan losing is taking a toll. something about him reminds me of yanzi. although, clearly an over-enthusiastic, sort-of-manic, smile-like-i'm-an-idiot kind of yanzi.

i guess i'm complaining so much because it's singaporean mentality, seeing that this year we were presented a choice, as to none last year (think taufik v. sly). but that doesn't qualify that i agree to who the top 2 were this year.

we gave up a hot songstress with humongous potential and an indian diva for a repeat of last year's finals, FOR WHAT? not that the production for this year's finale was comparable to last year's:

i didn't understand why they had to keep interviewing ken lim exclusively throughout the show (imho, ja was way more entertaining this season). neither did i comprehend why we needed cheerleading teams for the finalists; this is a singing competition, not some rowdy football match, thankyouverymuch. we also do not invite guest performers just to sing with hady and jonathan. urgh- god save me. and lastly, what in the world is Energy doing at the Singapore Idol results show? i was cringing till the end.

anyway, we have a conclusion to the show; but if there's a next Singapore Idol, and he is [censored due to racial sensitivities], we all know what's wrong i guess. hmmmm.

2006-09-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

i wish i knew how to quit you (link)

2006-09-23T20:35:00.000+08:00

Jai Rodriguez & Patti Labelle - Somewhere Over the Rainbow
(scariest cover of the song i've ever heard)

[tag: David Tao & Karen Mok - Up Where We Belong]

2006-09-20T11:31:00.000+08:00

Because It's Not Love (But It's Still A Feeling)
The Pipettes

I don't want to fall in love
I don't want to see the stars up above in the sky
I just wanna catch your eye
I don't want to be wined and dined
I just want to bump and grind with you here tonight
Because you move so right

And we Dance (Dance)
And we move a little closer
Dance (Dance)
Oh yeah with that triple motion
Dance (Dance)
And we move a little closer
Touch a little tighter
Eyes a little brighter

Because it's not love
But it's still a feeling
No it's not love
But my body's reeling
To move closer next to you

I don't want to hold your hand
I don't want to go walking in the sand every day
So won't you come out to play
And I don't care what people say
I don't care what your friends will think anyhow
'cos you've got me here right now.

And we Dance (Dance)
And we move a little closer
Dance (Dance)
Oh yeah with that triple motion
Dance (Dance)
And we move a little closer
Touch a little tighter
Eyes a little brighter

Because it's not love
But it's still a feeling
No it's not love
But my body's reeling
To move closer next to you
To move closer next to you
To move closer next to you
To move closer next to you
To move closer next to you

2006-09-18T21:21:00.000+08:00

as part of my CCC (refer previous post), i shall revert to doing obviously civilian things. and since i'm ~~arrowed~~ tagged by zhiyong to do this, i will.

7 Random Facts About Me

1) i hate army.
2) i ord on 07 November 2006.
3) sometimes i put on my headphones without turning on the music.
4) i don't snore.
5) i wish i was a polar bear.
6) i hate beer and i can't care less about smoking.
7) i am studying arabic.

7 Favourite Music At The Moment

1) 陶喆 -《不爱》
2) The Pipettes - Because It's Not Love (But It's a Feeling)
3) Nerina Pallot - Everybody's Gone to War
4) Edwin McCain - What Matters
5) Jurassic 5 - Work It Out
6) The Pipettes - Pull Shapes
7) 侧田 - Loving You

at this point, i'd like to point out that the heading for this section is terrible grammar. alright, that's that. let's move on.

7 Things I Like Most

1) matcha-flavoured snacks; i dislike matcha.
2) kbox with xuanchuan
3) sweet and sour pork
4) the colour white
5) lunch/dinner/supper with jc classmates
6) polar bear cubs
7) yanzi's voice

7 Things I Say Most

1) army sucks
2) i hate army
3) i'm sure lah
4) what the fuck
5) hello
6) who wants to watch forbidden city please message me
7) shut up

i shall now go enjoy my japanese ice cream on a stick. toodles.

2006-09-18T16:29:00.000+08:00

Civilian Conversion Course
(Commenced 18 September 2006)

1. New Handphone - k750i Silver (yay!)
2. Clean up PC space
3. Get Furnishing Ideas from Ikea
4. Obtain Drawer to contain Gadgets
5. Draw-up new Blueprint for Room
6. Discard Rubbish from Room
7. Get rid of Old Furniture from Room
8. Move in New Furniture
9. Prepare for Japan & Halloween

Side Quests
1. Meet Grace for Dinner
2. Finish Downloaded Series/Movies
3. Eat at MOF
4. Eat at Italian Dessert Place/Island Creamery
5. Exercise/Tan
6. KBox with CheeKeong and Lai
7. Mind's Cafe with TS, Yiwang & Bingyi
8. Buy Forbidden City OST
9. Attend MAF

2006-09-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

just for the record :)

2006-09-05T18:02:00.000+08:00

box is a favourite!
hahahahahahahahaha :D

fyi, tintinian is "an addicted photoshopper and flickr user", which is evident by the amount of photos he has on his flickr. and if you look carefully, his flickr photos are mainly popartish photoshopped artwork; his favourites are an exquisite collection of beautiful scenary or women shots.

i don't know how box doing the wave fits in, really. :D

2006-09-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

i'm hooked on sheila majid's "dia",
despite not understanding a single word of the lyrics.

without commenting too much on difference in calibre of contestants between the indonesian production and local show (we know which is inferior), we can tell from this tacky youtube video that the indonesian version has much improved stage deco, camera direction, and music arrangement (hello, live band here).

tag: hady mirza - lagenda

2006-09-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

after falling in love with the teriyaki bento and baoxin's matcha icecream at MOF (which she claimed was too bitter), i've decided to indulge in japanese snacks. all above were purchased at a stall stationed at basement 2 of takashimaya. and i absolutely have to recommend the matcha cake. yumyum.

i've always wanted to get this ever since Straits Times reviewed it in their weekly Urban newsletter. and seeing that there was only one box left when i was browsing around, i snatched it from the rack and rushed to the cashier. 6 pieces for $5.20. and it was certainly no disappointment.

the rich aroma of matcha wafted out with the crinkling of the packet as soon as i opened it. the cake had a very well-rounded taste, which would appeal to people like baoxin who can't stand pure matcha (which is inherently bitter). the cake crumbles in your mouth, melting into a delectable delight of matcha heaven. mmmm :)

by demand, photos from kbox are not posted on this blog but are on flickr anyway :D

2006-08-30T10:06:00.000+08:00

i woke up dreaming i had aids.

(must be the aftermath of delving into multiple conversations regarding the jc girl who got infected by her first boyfriend.)

technically, there should be lots of happenings to blog about, with the passing of chinese soc's annual ge yao, army half marathon, my free apple pie, mario kart gp, reluctant coverage of air force open house rehearsals, art and craft in camp, arguments regarding air force open house covers, the new MO and more.

and that the irritating, useless DXO from camp just called me and finally realised how hostile i am towards her.

but lately, i just couldn't find the energy to pen any of these down into witty, interesting paragraphs. so just patiently wait- for my ord :)

2006-08-27T16:20:00.000+08:00

not-so-sinfully delicious!
75% less saturated fat. i suspect less salt too! :D

downside is $7 for two. :|

2006-08-26T13:20:00.000+08:00

2006-08-11T19:09:00.000+08:00

2006-08-09T11:25:00.000+08:00

it always comes as a surprise how thick and insensitive friends can turn out to be. went to sleep a bit hot-headed last night, partly from residue gunpowder, partly from conceived anger.

woke up with leftover angst and now am doing duty with haogen next to me playing on my ds lite. (did i mention how everyone is infatuated with my baby?) this should turn out to be my favourite AH duty- ZERO patients! woohoo! :)

2006-08-06T13:44:00.000+08:00

SMU Business Camp

wtf.

2006-08-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

am in a terrible mood today. sis hogged my new toy for 4 hours. mom questioned about my late returns at night. decided to run out of the house for a walk. borrowed yet another tom holt collection from the library. browsed gramaphone and bought a couple of used albums: shakira's mtv unplugged and an old kit chan collection. purchased some bread and settled outside ngee ann city for a munch break and finished half a simpsons episode on my creative zen vision: m. then sampled david tao's new album and anne murray's at hmv before heading to carrefour at PS to gather some digestives. meanwhile, saw this goodlooking officer from camp with his damn hot girlfriend and started feeling sorry for myself.

2006-08-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

terrible (but amusing) emcee and lacklustre 柳琴-playing aside, this was easily my favourite concert, ever. with 黄桂芳 the goddess magically infusing her energy into the 三弦, the nature of chamber music and crystal clear acoustics of the recital studio, my breath was taken away.

if anyone has recordings for the following in chamber format, please shout: 湘风, 赋格, 流水颂, 草原之夜, 牧歌, 春郊试马. thankslots. loveya.

2006-07-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

notes from a busy week

sleep is an illusion.

matcha and red bean go together like charmaine and jeanie: lethal combination.

lies are abominable accusations that make people stunned. tickets are abominable items that make you hunted.

exercise is an illusion. sleeplessness is more than enough.

bespectacled, ancient women who evaluate medical centres have smelly hair.

disinfecting hydrocortisone ampoules, dispensing amoxycillin, talkgroup 103 and ignoring directions from a corporal evaluator is key.

ponder- wouldn't it be good if we could reproduce like plants: chop off parts of my hair and shower it onto someone's tongue, and poof! a baby.

sugar. love. sex.

sometimes i get so high, i get sleepy.
sometimes i get so sleepy, i get high.

m. martini, margherita. mxx.

say no to taboos.

superman is a baby. a really old, stale baby.

i am superman. i recharge under the sun.
i am a marine biologist in hawaii. i wear straw skirts.

people-outings are fun. but starts sucking when you have to rush to book in / miss out on mom's cooking. fun-fun nonetheless.

this week i shall get a new toy. watch this space.

2006-07-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

glad that i'm back from a long week at work, with sleeping time severely compromised by endless boring lessons (some conducted by yours truly) on certain clinical aspects of the medical centre, ending at an average of 2300 hours. compared to my usual sleeping hour at 2000 hours on days with no mini-class gatherings, you can imagine how difficult it has been for me.

with the battalion S4 and CO breathing down our necks, it has been more of a headache than ever. and thanks to a lousy stroke of luck, i got chosen to be tested. well, good luck, though, for the medical centre. i probably saved it from imminent failure if someone else was chosen, although i probably murdered the medical centre for the upcoming audit by introducing knowledge of how terribly the medical centre is run to the evaluation team.

the day ended on a fine note as we achieved (or so i heard) a high REDCON 2A which indicates an immunity to confinements and more lessons. and we won $1,000,000 on the "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" flash game.

2006-07-22T16:15:00.000+08:00

TMNT Trailer!

ps. if you're wondering where michaelangelo is, look closely.

2006-07-20T02:12:00.000+08:00

i wonder if every idol episode that showcases #1 hits will always, without doubt, turn out to be a downer. i still remember how Anwar Robinson burned his chances with "Ain't Nobody" or how Lisa Tucker butchered Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You", both strong vocalists let down by contemporary hits. nobody bombed too badly today on singapore idol (judging by the standards of previous episodes), but my faith in the show becoming half as good as its american counterpart is now dead.

had a terrible headache as i flipped through the VCR version my mom recorded for me. i suspect the judges were equally disturbed that the studio was like a (cliche alert) fish market with people screaming, shouting, voicing comments at particularly awkward moments. it didn't help that the sound system was screechy and echoing as the judges muttered their kind words of advice (not that any of the participants might have heard anything they said though, seeing how insanely rude the mob was).

no disrespect for iskandar ismail but the arrangement for the songs tonight were horrendous, on songs in which the original arrangements weren't utilised. photography was equally bad: shaky camera, odd camera angles, painfully retarded switches between screens. and just when you thought the show couldn't get any worse, throw in gurmit and it just becomes a real pain to watch.

01 Mathilda - Bootylicious (by Destiny's Child)
a classic example of an arrangement gone wrong. music was too weak for mathilda's strong vocals (dick was right, here). as much as it was a good start to the show, i felt her performance was kinda bland. she didn't really play around with the melody. in fact, there was practically no melody.

02 Emilee - Just Like a Pill (by Pink)
suprisingly, i like this performance. it's the first song from her in which i didn't feel she should have joined a chinese singing contest instead. the nasal quality in her voice fit the song pretty well, i thought. she acted too hyper at the end, though.

03 Hady - Maria, Maria (by Santana ft. Product G&B)
woah. good voice, terrible song. lighten up on the malay accent and you'll do fine.

04 Jasmine - There You'll Be (by Faith Hill)
BAD. i wonder though, why the judges didn't notice she was flat throughout. this is a really big song. think on the scale of Pearl Harbour, and the fact that a*mei took on the chinese version of this really moving piece. jasmine sounded monotonous, off-key, and didn't emote at all. strong contendor for worst performance of the night.

05 Joakim - Lonely no more (by Rob Thomas)
i'm a big fan of him for being the only one who attempted to shush the audience, but unfortunately that's not good enough to be idol. twas a manic performance leaving him breathless and me dizzy (you could hear him panting by the middle of the song). would have done much better if he added some runs to the notes. the endings of his notes were cut short pretty abruptly, probably from the lack of air. and ja's eccentric comment didn't help at all (i mean, what the hell was she trying to say?!).

06 Paul - My Sacrifice (by Creed)
i don't exactly know how this turned out because i fastforwarded after the first 10 notes were emitted from his mouth. a lot of hair-playing, gimmicky, out-of-tune. probably worse than jasmine.

07 Nurul - Torn (by Natalie Imbruglia)
soft and steady. but i still don't understand the nasal quality of her voice.

08 Gayle - Leave (by JoJo)
the lisa tucker of this season. strong voice let down by song.

[add] apparently i was right about the lisa tucker comparison in more ways than one. poor girl got booted the next day. at least she didn't butcher a kelly clarkson song.

09 Jonathan - Smooth (by Santana ft. Rob Thomas)

BEST IN SHOW. started out really odd; i barely figured out what he was singing. but once he got into the mood of the song, his tone was absolutely alluring. very comfortable, very smooth. potentially better than the original, i thought.

10 Jay - If You're Not The One (by Daniel Bedingfield)
boring-est contestant. oh well. stick to singing standards, please.

11 Rahima - I'm With You (by Avril Lavigne)
paul's partner in crime: gimmicky and tuneless. i don't understand why the judges were so approving of her. it was badly emoted; she was practically shouting throughout. the original by avril was an appropriate showcase of the forced strength and weakness in a girl, emotions clearly lacking in rahimah's rendition, which was akin a ranting episode by an angsty teenager.

all in all, i fear for singapore.

2006-07-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

i'm addicted to balls.

2006-07-12T21:31:00.000+08:00

time is a dangerous thing. when you have time, you start to think. and once you have thoughts, it just gets fucking dangerous.

this is a good example. for this.

not like he did anything wrong anyway. it's just a pity for him we live in singapore. and therefore, the probability that i would get charged in court for what will appear shortly. but oh well.

someone apparently said that "He offers no alternatives or solutions. His piece is calculated to encourage cynicism and despondency, which can only make things worse, not better, for those he professes to sympathise with." but isn't finding an answer to problems what we pay the ministers to do? well, if we had the clout and smarts to come up with a solution we would probably earn at least half as much as they do, wouldn't we?

if there is time to craft out a professional and politically correct reply to a column, why not spend it on reducing poverty instead? bleah. [link]

anyway, i figured (yes, after a long long while) why we are, and continue to be, treated like shit in the army. because any complaints we make would be dealt with as insubordination and we can't quit to save our lives as our souls have been sold to the gahmen the day our ancestors lay foot on this island. that's how sad reality is.

and when the regulars AWOL or moonlight everybody notices and can't do anything about it. you would think someone would be decent enough to correct this inefficiency. but no, everyone's self-centered enough to protect their own kind (read: civil servants) and mislook this obvious draining of resources.

fuck scarcity. (you might remember that as a term in 'A' level Economics)
that's not the problem. your choices are.

and for all the altruism in the world, why won't paul twohill's fans just shut up. either the mediacorp studios and their recording techniques really suck (and playback screaming and shouting louder than the singing), or singaporeans have utterly no sense of respect to the performer they're supporting, which is sad, considering how very much we want to be a regional performing arts hub.

PS. i swear i saw nick kiss daniel v on today's episode of project runway because chloe obviously excused herself to let them have a quiet moment to themselves. sweeeet! haha :D

2006-07-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

sometimes we don't realise what we treasure most of a person is the idiosyncrasies. and when he grows out of that bit of childishness for something more professional, we feel glad for his maturation, but we also mourn for the passing of an individual.

baaaa. we, sheep.

2006-07-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

my student just hung on me. i have no more tuition. no more income. save me.

2006-06-25T15:49:00.000+08:00

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair)
Sandi Thom

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late and to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar,
Not everybody drove a car,
When music really mattered and when radio was king,
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late and to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When popstars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Saved the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens
and anarchy was still a dream
and the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late and to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were on top
and vinyl was all that they stocked
and the super info highway was still drifting out in space
kids were wearing hand me downs,
and playing games meant kick arounds
and footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late and to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

I was born too late to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

2006-06-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

while i continue to ponder whether the acronym SIFAC should be pronounced as psy-fac or see-fuck, my Sports Injury First Aid Course is about to come to an end.

today's the third day of course, which incidentally is also the next-to-last day, and the sense of grief is overwhelming. thursday would be the last day i get to wear shorts to work, get into ridiculously amusing stretching positions and slack at home on a weekday afternoon for free. but what bothers me the most is my stomach.

let's get it straight, you NUS medicine shitheads get the best of all the worlds in the world. $2.20 for a crispy, warm, fresh-out-of-the-oil-tub chicken cutlet is beyond altruism. i mean, compared to the cookhouse so-called western meals which are furnished with cold meat, close-to-rotten broccoli and soggy fries (what blasphemy!) that claim to cost up to $5, this is absolute samaritan behaviour.

throw in the 70cents iced desserts, and i melt. mmmmm.

2006-06-18T08:47:00.000+08:00

i don't usually do news-related entries but this is absolutely ridiculous:

Adrian Yeo, a 26-year-old houseman was lured by law enforcement officers into committing a drugs offence for which he received a jail sentence of eight months.

Yeo, a known drugs user and homosexual, had been persuaded by an anonymous person he met on the Internet to join a gay sex party in a hotel room. In court testimony, he said he had declined but relented after the person, an undercover drugs officer, repeatedly sent him SMS messages.

(taken off STOMP)

for now, overlook the crime and the fact that he's gay (and that we share the same alma mater, or so i was told). what i find absolutely intolerable is how the government is forcing us into crimes for the sake of justice. after all, humans are innately potential of crime, some just take longer to break into that realm of evil.

i wonder what they're planning to do next - put a horny 15 year-old girl on the internet, wait for her to make contact and nab the paedophile? like wtf.

2006-06-16T21:46:00.000+08:00

Windows Media Player 11
(this is not an obscene endorsement for Microsoft®, as much as it looks like one)

after spending a couple of hours downloading WMP11 and figuring out how to bypass the validation utility of the installation programme, i have it: the best media player programme i've ever owned.

firstly, it's beautiful.

secondly, heavy on images. whoopee!

thirdly, intuitive operating interface.

in conclusion, no reason not to own it.
i mean, ignoring the fact that the prog hangs when you attempt certain actions, and that it increases my CPU's temperature by about 10 degrees thereby causing my ASUS probe to keep beeping monotonously.

2006-06-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

before i begin, i'd like to express my elation at having a Creative Zen Vision: M charging outside in the living room. wheeee! :D

this entry is a collection of random thoughts accumulated over the past few months that i have not had the courage to print. and in my absolutely haggard state now, i feel a need to tell the truth.

i am sick from hearing people complain about mundane inconsistencies in life, about how they are made to function against their will (in the army), or how they are placed situations that are biased against them. dude(s), fairness has never been an option around here. go become a starving south african baby born with HIV, suffering from scurvy and rickets and other nutrition deficiencies, then maybe we can talk about fairness.

and as for the those who can't be bothered to keep in contact, i don't feel the need to bother attempting to keep in contact anymore. she's really not worth my effort, even if she's been a really good chum in JC, or that i've disclosed a particularly secret secret of mine to her. being too busy for old friends is never a good enough excuse. unless (of course) we've never been friends.

(stop those lies. you know you really don't bother.)

i feel lonely all the time. i feel lonely in camp (and hurt) when i'm left out of nights off outings between themselves. i feel lonely when everyone around speaks in malay. i feel lonely in my rejection from NUS med. i feel lonely as i type this. i feel lonely but i can't help it.

Everything in Its Own Good Time Means Slowly.

2006-06-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

books/films always allow me to fully revel in the beauty of songs and poetry once listened or read in a rush. discovered in in her shoes:

i carry your heart
by e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

also: one art by elizabeth bishop

2006-05-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

the greatest dilemma of all
(second only to the one regarding my future career)

2006-05-26T19:38:00.000+08:00

it has been a fairly amazing week, with me on the verge of depression on day 1 when i awoke to work still suffering the aftermath of being a med reject. and worse, people i worked with noticed my unusually silent form (while i resorted to doodling for release) and started asking questions that made my emotions plunge further.

things improved after i spent my nights in camp feeling depressed, sorting out my thoughts, watching the american idol season five finale and thinking of absolutely nothing at all.

and today i cleared my second year fitness test.

i have my own little secret when it comes to 2.4km timed runs. i'd like to dedicate my triumph to jas, oliver and julia for always miraculously appearing in the back of my mind and start spurring me on when i'm on the verge of giving up. i also imagined haogen ahead of me today goading me to hurry up. so yeah, i'll be nice and thank him too.

(and because it's only right to begin giving thanks to people who've helped you through a difficult time so i'll also) thank rizlan and dr liem for trying to cheer me up and helping me find a direction, despite neither attempts working out at all.

also, thanks to John Diamond's Because Cowards Get Cancer Too for giving me another reason to cry. my own tribulations don't seem to be so trying after all.

thank you amazon.com for the final shipment of wonders including this, this, this, this, this, this and this. just in time for my retail therapy.

no thanks to NUS for still not posting out my rejection letter.

and to everyone else who hasn't done anything nice for me for the week, you're all forgiven because i know we're all selfish bastards at heart.

thankyouverymuch.

2006-05-21T19:57:00.000+08:00

recovery has been slow.

actually, i don't know whether there is a point in going through recovery at all; my unconscious may have finally decided this is what i want to do - and that there may be no point attempting therapy anymore.

yesterday i was saved by
The Trick Is to Keep Breathing: A Novel by Janice Galloway
and i learnt that

It's OK to have Bad Days.
Persistance is the Only Thing That Works.
I will Take Advice and Try Harder.

The More Something Hurts, The More it Can Teach Me.
All in its Own Good Time Means Slowly.
Everything Worth Having is Hard as Nails.

she said 'the trick is to keep breathing, make out it's not unnatural at all. They say it comes with practice.'

so i went out and got a book about someone getting diagnosed with cancer, another involving a doomed aircraft and a 101 of occupations in banking. i hope they help.

recovery is still slow.
i keep forgetting to breathe.

2006-05-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

this week is traumatic

and will (definitely) continue to be until saturday dawns, with the slight possibility that the trauma might continue even when saturday arrives. no matter how i swerve my thoughts away from the matter, it continues to invade my mind like a horde of relentless cockroaches. erks.

i feel like planning a med-rejects cry-together session already. if i'm rejected, i know i will.

cry, that is.

in retro-retrospect, i've decided i didn't exactly do fantastic during my interview and it wasn't good enough to warrant an "okay". i realised, after much rumination, that i projected myself as an inconfident, reckless, incoherent, indecisive and unintelligible candidate. i barely managed to handle my questions and i had to often stop, look down and ponder over certain problems.

the only thing that can save me from elimination is my extraordinary background which consisted of zilch biology-related projects, old age and my incessant smile-like-an-idiot technique.

i'm really scared.
i hate to let people down.

i hate to let people down.

20.05.06
and in the end, i let everybody down.

2006-05-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

2006-05-14T02:15:00.000+08:00

SHOCK ELIMINATION

image shamelessly taken off rickey's
as the world holds grief for the demise of one of the best a.idol wannabes ever, i attempt to put up with ridiculous, jealous accusations of katharine being a slut, and then start wondering why the hell taylor is still bumming around in the competition.

but before i managed to get over simon's inhumane bashing of kath, the withdrawal of chris, the realisation of snow's premature dismissal and a hangover that resulted from two consecutive regimental duties, i embarked on a trip to johor bahru - eyebags, pimples and all.

2006-05-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

another waiting game has started.

interviews for med school was kinda exciting, to say the least. as usual, i dressed up most unusually for such a formal interview: white shirt, jeans, my white adidas shoes and a bright royal blue tie. and throughout both interviews i had a dequalinium chloride lozenge in my mouth.

INTERVIEW ONE was the ubiquitous school staff interview made up of 3 profs: (from left to right) an old, grimy guy with a blackberry phone and a pda who paid closer attention to his gizmos than to me, a normal middle-aged person who reminds of a senior consultant in any sappy channel 8 drama who probably just informed you that you have breast cancer, and last was a nice lady who spoke with a slight australian(?) accent.

me: good morning.
middleguy: hmmm it's afternoon already. good afternoon.
me: oops, sorry. good afternoon.
middleguy: are you nervous?
me: well, yeah. sort of.

and then he began the session by asking about my experience as a medic. the moment i breezed through the part about my triage duties he started questioning on triage principles, on whether i thought it is truly essential to triage patients according to the severity of their condition, or by whether they would be able to continue with their life (ie. battle situations, chronic diseases, etc) and in a roundabout manner started relating prioritising patients for consultation with me prioritising taking medicine as a career, which then boils down to the perennial evergreen quesion, "why do you want to study medicine?".

nicelady on the right soon begins asking what i would prefer to specialise in (after my extended dialogue with the middleguy about how i was inspired blah blah blah...), and i replied psychiatry, oncology, and infectious diseases. she asked very forgettable questions that were a breeze to answer, due to my diligent preparations months ago.

THEN the sortofbald-sortofgrimy-sortofold man started bombarding me with factual questions regarding chemotherapy, diabetes, AIDs, etc. which i struggled to answer and smiled through like an idiot.

INTERVIEW TWO was with a final year student and a doctor from TTSH (i suspect) who were incredibly calm and quiet, definitely not as scary as i would expect from evil year 5 students who would want to scare the shit out of you before you succumb to the pledge that you would never venture into Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine ever again.

question one was killer: Why Do You Want To Do Medicine?

after the long, tedious, obviously regurgitated answer which followed, questions regarding nurses v. doctors, the long hectic schedules, and protection from infectious diseases started appearing. nothing too difficult or memorable was said from anyone during this session.

all in all, it was pretty okay.

but by experience, any interview that goes pretty okay is usually one that would be the most difficult to pass. i just pray the rejection letter comes quick, IF it ever plans to arrive.

[tag: damian]

2006-05-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

Eva Cassidy - What a Wonderful World

2006-04-30T22:51:00.000+08:00

just for the sake of blogging (because i have no life and i am sick at home and the moment i go out my muscles and bones start aching and therefore i have no life and i am sick of home):

- jasmin watched take the lead without me. hurmph.
- met up with part of the jc class over manhattan's fish.
- i flunked my med admissions essay BAD.
- i picked up URTI from my medical centre.
- i did another ridiculous medical cover involving students playing orientation-esque games in an air-conditioned multipurpose hall.
- i cried a lot over the weekend over (this is embarassing but here goes) corpse bride and hannah's gift.
- torrentspy.com died. i am very very VERY UBER sad :(

2006-04-23T10:38:00.000+08:00

my not-so-secret secret.
my new 12" toy.
my most anticipated indie record.
my frustration that frequently reappears in my dreams.
gah. i want this more than you know.

2006-04-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

A letter to Chief Army Medical Officer

Dear sir,

I am writing this letter in request of a revision and update of Healthcare Directive Number XX regarding peacetime medical coverage of activities organised by the Singapore Armed Forces.

I clearly understand the rationale of employing certified medics for coverage of strenuous activities held during peacetime, such as the Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) and Standard Obstacle Course (SOC), as a safety precaution to ensure mothers of our servicemen are at greater ease when they surrender their sons to the government every Sunday night for the week.

However, despite the list of activities that require (and those that do not require) medical coverage evidently stated in the directive, I must bring to your honour's attention that there is constant violation of the directive by commissioned officers who apparently do not attempt to understand healthcare directives written in the English language.

We, poor lowly underfed overworked medics, have been unwillingly coerced into carrying out medical coverage for low-risk, non-strenuous activities that would rarely result in any casualties. For example, medical coverage has been enforced for simple aerobics exercises and mass dances held indoors under the cooling breeze of indoor fans for civilians and minors. Also, medics are obliged to cover NCC lessons set in the comfort of an air-conditioned lecture theatre and are required to be on 24-hours standby when the cadets are in the midst of ingestion, micturition or latent activity, in addition to the high-risk activities that do require medical coverage such as rock climbing, rappeling and live range firing. (Although, the interesting to note about NCC covers is that the casualties usually come at times when no substantial activities are carried out, ie. while they are in the midst of ingestion, micturition and latent activity.)

I understand that you probably wouldn't be bothered by our feelings of resentment due to your hectic lifestyle immersed in the tasting of gourmet, but it would be a cathartic release for us should you by chance get to read this.

Yours faithfully,
Your Humble Servant.

ps. Please do not sue me for this unauthorised form of text as I feel I have not infringed any code of Chapter 213 Section 5 in the Official Secrets Act as there was no disclosement of any sensitive material that might endanger the safety of the nation or the well-kept secrets of the SAF, such as the periodic AWOL and holding of a second paying occupation by certain army regulars. (oops)

2006-04-12T21:23:00.000+08:00

one more day of suspense, and i'll snap.

it's been 2 weeks since i've submitted my application and portfolio round's next week. and no letter of acceptance/rejection yet. this is really getting on my nerves. i never wanted anything so much. gah!

2006-04-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

before i start, another confession to make-
i have to confess, i'm addicted to this. haha :)

sometimes i put on my headphones and tune out the music just to shut out the world (and nosy shop attendants).

this is a long overdue entry about passion, youth and everything else missing from my life now.

it was yet another saturday wasted sitting-in at kranji camp looking over some 700-odd male participants from SOKA doing light aerobics. a waste, considering a first aid station had been set up and was manned by a full-fledged paramedic, no less. the really annoying part was that i didn't get to finish my book over the constant ecstatic teachings of the sect leader over the PA system, and smoking breaks where everyone puffed to their deaths, plotting my murder from behind.

the whole event made me nostalgic of HuangChengYeYun, in which strangers who bonded under a common institution got together and built something fantastic out of naught. i guess it didn't matter if the performances fell short of excellent, it was the spirit conveyed throughout that really mattered.

i guess secretly we all knew, as we had sat in the audience silently watching on one month ago, the HCYY that had belonged to us had been the most memorable 3 months of our life.

2006-03-31T20:15:00.000+08:00

i have a confession to make.

i'm actually a serial murderer who secretly infuses air bubbles periodically into sickbay patients. their hearts stop and i'm never suspected. mwahahaha!

anyway, today marked the cremation of the late COL Bernard Tan Cheow Han. like every other SAF-organised event, it was loud, flashy, extravagant and uncalled for. as an oppressed soldier, i was expected to take on the presentation of being depressed or at least indifferent. but amidst the sombre mood, in addition to feeling sick and cold (in both senses of the word), i experienced two other emotions.

[angst] the number of LTCs and COLs in the Guards Formation alone were enough to suck off at least Half a Million SGD worth of taxes EACH MONTH collected from the hard-earned money of honest, diligent taxpayers (who unwillingly give away their sons as slaves to the very mouths they feed).

[relief] we have one less parasite.

I KNOW. I KNOW. it is obscenely unfair to say that. for i do not know him, and after all, we also lose a leader, a colleague, a father, a son, a brother, a friend.

but.

in the process, we also have one less villian in the hierachy of dictatorship, less undue stress and unhappiness in soldiers tortured by their own fellow men, more time and more money to spend on things that really do matter to each and everyone of us.

decide for yourself.

2006-03-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

STB bitch: (reading off the script) can you pick out a scenario whereby conventional solutions to a problem did not work? explain how you felt then and what you did to tackle the situation.

me: erm. no, can't think of anything.

STB bitch: okay. for example when normal regurgitation of facts do not help you to score in your exams any longer...

(and then we enter an extended dialogue where i argued that the education system will not ever change to such an extent that regurgitation won't allow you to pass with flying colours)

STB bitch: (realising that it didn't work out) let's go with another scenario where you were given a square football. what would you do with it?

me: erm. play with it lah.

STB bitch: ...

in conclusion, the brainlessness of this entire interview was pretty amazing.

2006-03-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

yet another entry to add to the life is good series.

the devil from fourth floor SMM hell will be descending upon my cell, but he is apparently tendering resignation anyway (so i don't understand what's going on anymore), while i attempt to handle the P-case-cum-ex-DB personnel who's hogging the estab in branch and now chao-kenging his way through NS (while we exhaust from the lack of manpower covering the excessive influx of medical covers).

yeah, you know. life is GOOOOD.

meanwhile, Malaysia Road Trip (Medical) turned out to be more tolerable than i could ever fathom. lunch was awesome; the great rush of dvd selection was great fun and the walk across the causeway was actually cathartic, surprisingly. think: it's not important how the world views you, but how you view the world.

told ya life is good.

2006-03-25T08:24:00.000+08:00

thought of the morning: if we're one step closer to our dream, does that also make us one step further from who we once were?

in 3 hours i'd be spending the day with people i see everyday at camp over the causeway. i've yet to plan for my future, sealed music lies over my desk, my downloads are not completed and there i'm going to waste time with people i'm not particularly interested in getting to know better.

life is good.

jasmin's freaking out (and freaking me out simultaneously) over school, yonghui's in big-time rant mode with unprecendented opression from selfish army regulars, i'm taking over the role of brigade senior medic come april with the audit one step away and yesterday i enrolled in a useless conversation with the first letter of each line being 'v'.

v is for vife is good.

the weather's not exactly scorching but i'm suffocating under the air thick with water. and it's not even drizzling either. zits are oozing out under my skin and there's now a thick layer of adipose above my abdominals.

life is good, really.

2006-03-17T22:03:00.000+08:00

i always get lost halfway while blogging and give up on whatever i'm typing because i can't find the perfect way of phrasing my thoughts. as such, my voice gets censored mainly by myself. but anyway -

如果可以，愿世界能公平一些些，让有梦的人肆无忌惮地追求其他人占据的那些许荣耀。若说成就是华丽人生的对比，那出生世家就是一种超能力。上天赐来的幸运总是那么痛快，让我如此痛恨。妒嫉总混淆于愤怒，看不清运气或许是轮回的评价。因为不可能。

it bugs me when people i know don't get the same chances of attachment, or education/employment choices, as the ones with rich influential parents do. (i'm not even going to bother complaining about the 20 year old guy driving a jaguar into camp everyday; materialistic wealth is too commonplace in this society, even if it's something for me to die for)

and i wish people could stop the meaningless how-are-yous over msn.

ps. give me a chance to be optimistic and i would tell you this week has been wildly entertaining.

2006-03-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

an absurd thought came to mind over the train journey home from jack's place; i guess someday i'll miss going to work as a NSF. someday i'll probably go all nostalgic over the inefficiencies of the army and the massive barrage of complaining that succeeds it. that day comes in 8 months, and i'm definitely looking forward.

2006-03-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: This photo collage has nothing to do with the Singapore Armed Forces, besides the location and attire donned by the participants. All scenes are fictitious and should not be taken seriously. With that said, please do not sue me. Thank you very muchus.

2006-02-26T17:36:00.000+08:00

recently, i keep getting flashbacks of the night i spent in the ward at the old Kendang Kerbau Hospital with a drip attached to my arm. the room was dark and empty and unusually peaceful as i watched the pink panther stealthily crawl across the television screen. and that night, i didn't remember falling asleep.

2006-02-25T00:48:00.000+08:00

what can you do when you're tired, lost, depressed and lonely?
stay up late to watch a few episodes of little britain, apparently.

i rarely laugh out loud while watching comedies, but i burst out today hoping it would compensate for the lack of homely comfort.

i don't know if it did.

i need a friend
有时候，我们总该学会开始。回避的眼神只显出遗憾。
不知所措的是爱、事业、远方的星光。
我独自矗立，哭泣。
其实那些不是虚伪的应酬；对自己的抱歉没有如此深远。是时机出错，你们看到的只有笑颜，而我有感激。
友情没有太浓厚，淡淡的，也好。

只是必须独自流泪。
但也好。

什么都好。

2006-02-12T20:21:00.000+08:00

皱皱的
细弱双手
充斥着针孔的痕迹.
眼睛无视赶路的人群,
侧躺在床上
凝望着逝去的一段辉煌,
她曾有的年少.

她也美丽过

夏天里追逐着彩虹
两人在阳光的见证下相遇.
水池旁承诺者
永远
爱着他.
黄昏,侧躺在他的怀里
她睡了.
那是她的初恋唯一爱过的男人.

顿时
紧急室里一阵喧嚣
她依旧不动声色任人制裁.

那沉静，是绝望.

(临终她依然祈祷着爱)

2006-02-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

10 minutes ago i was still feeling all warm and fuzzy about meeting a childhood friend from eons ago in the oddest of circumstances. and now i'm all hot and pissed after another extended debate about the selflessness of christianity, which i am dedicated to actively opposing.

(please note that the two events listed are mutually exclusive)

the paramedic i was attached to happened to be a playmate who i eventually lost contact with when the family moved away. being me, i began wondering if i would have met her again, in such a twisted coincidence, if she never lost her family in the accident years ago. she probably would have gone on to enter a junior college and became a doctor instead. it's always sadder if you think about the more optimistic what-if's, unfortunately.

i remember being young and naive (years ago), wondering if people who died young were actually spiritual guardians sent to us, to test us and keep us company before we meet with the greater obstacles in life and attain greater achievements.

but i'm just happy for her: with a job she enjoys and a rich doctor boyfriend :)

and thankfully today, i still feel the same way i did yesterday.
a change needs to be coming.

2006-02-07T17:15:00.000+08:00

taking these few days of hospital attachment to decide whether i'm inspired enough to take up Medicine in NUS might not be a very good idea after all.

today at TTSH, i witnessed an obvious definition between healthcare providers, categorised into two groups, namely medical officers and in the other, everyone else; DESPITE the supposed common goal everyone should be seeking to achieve: to provide unbiased medical attention to anyone who needs it.

in an example, why a doctor is authorised to shout at nurses (and NYP attachees) while they are in the process of organising patient trolleys neatly in the congested consultation room (simply because at that particular instant, the trolley is in the middle of the walkway) is beyond me.

and in that outrage, he maneuvers a patient with suspected spinal injury in double-quick time (probably in a bid to uphold the elitist standards) and immediately crashes the trolley head-on with another trolley containing an old lady taking vital signs, causing the spinal patient to suffer yet another deceleration injury and burstforth an outcry of pain.

conversely, in the underpaid and less glamorous, female-dominated environment of nursing, things may have ran less smoothly due to the deluge of patients entering the A&E during lunch hour, but the cheerfulness they radiated in such a sterile environment was positively invigorating.

this is definitely not the first time i'm inspired by a nurse to be a doctor.

RESPECT goes out to paramedics and nurses who put the care in healthcare in treating and managing patients instead of merely the disease/injury.

paramedics are severely underrated for their commitment in saving lives; we never realise the knowledge and responsibility they burden themselves with each time they attend to an uncertain call. the honour they receive should best even that of doctors. and nurses, are all heart. 'nuff said :)

2006-01-31T18:38:00.000+08:00

it is always nice getting together for good games of bridge.

last night, as we sigh at hectic army/school schedules, impending (lack of) careers and the demise of our english vocabulary i realised that our insanity has come to pass. and today, as we continue to sigh at our impending careers and jumble our priorities into thinking that devouring delicacies is punishment, i realised that i desperately need to get a tan and lose weight. (the blubber's already showing on my cheeks! gah!)

2006-01-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

as i returned home bloated from a reunion dinner at my unc's place, i opened the mailbox to find a letter addressed to me. i imagined i received my first and only chinese new year card of the year until i unfolded the article to find this:

(and with it came the exact amount stated above)
-_-"'
the extent some people would go to return borrowed money before the new year...
which unfortunately also reminds me that woonkeat also owes me the same amount for zhiyong's present.

and happy chinese new year anyway.

if it wasn't for the extra holidays added to the year to make my medic spec course less painful to endure, i would have denounced chinese new year long ago. i don't want to roam the nation visiting houses i visit once a year and meeting people i pretend to know. tradition can sometimes be nerve-wrecking; it makes no sense guarding tradition so much you lose track of reality. everyone's so caught up with preparing and celebrating the new year they overlook where love should go.

2006-01-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

ever had one of those days where you consistently keep accomplishing feats that make you seem like a spastic child, as hard as you try not to? lethargy makes people stupid. as you can tell, i'm not trying to make this post coherent because at this hour and in this state of mind i am blurred.

today i stared long and hard at my coursemate this morning while he stretched out his hand to await a handshake. then i stared long and hard at the girl behind the counter after she gave me the receipt, thinking that she hasn't handed me the goods, and i walked away stupid because i was holding them. and i chatted crap on MSN and probably pissed off my friends because things are insane. i apologise. you can kill me if you want.

it must be the too-long-never-book-out syndrome. 5 full days of staying in camp without stepping out for a breather has obvious adverse effects on my mentality. mental injuries should pertain themselves to pupil dilation and not reaction incapability. GOD-LIKE!

2006-01-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

i chanced upon these on my trip to cold storage-

hello fats.

2006-01-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

things have been going awfully odd this week.

it first started out with a vivid dream of mine that eventually became a half-truth: i woke up in the middle of the night to find the occurrence of a heavy downpour and my bedbuddies (ie. the two on beds next to mine) and i started a mighty long rant on how the clothes hanging outside are never going to get a chance to dry. we were then assembled outside our bunks in admin attire for a movie outing (?!!) and i was disappointed because everyone but me brought their ECS textbook along.

aaron then ended up with a worthy premonition of haogen, me and himself on a madsearch at some shopping mall hunting for ten-year-series questions. a stack of past-year trauma/medical theory questions ended up with our bunk i/c the following day.

the day i met encik ramlan at SMM, a list of "important topics for test" ended up on our bunk table miraculously. unfortunately, the piece of paper ended up listing everything we ever learnt in the past 3 weeks of course, which wasn't exactly very helpful.

fleur-de-lacour treatment apparently irritates renhe enough to make him swear.

RJ boy migrated from his bunk to other bunks after lights-out, scaring the hell out of fellow coursemates who woke up in the middle of the night finding a green cocoon occupying the otherwise empty last bed.

people say i resemble Kiasee, simply because haogen resembles Kiasu.

my irritation for an SCDF regular's lack of intelligence has evolved into a genuine sympathy for her failure at today's PAM practical test, this being her second attempt at it. her enthusiasm in learning, reflected by her unabashed questions on the spelling of simple words such as 'placebo' and her lonely mugging session in the lecture room (while everyone else was sleeping/talking/shouting), has touched me deeply.

the modified spec 2 group (who have passed through BSLC) have integrated themselves well to the life of a medical orderly. everyday life is now described in medical terms. my friend overheard one speaking to another in the washroom:
"wah lao. i wish we can book out everyday so that i can meet my girlfriend."
"i thought you broke up with your girlfriend already?"
"i met up with her last night and performed CPR on her, but she's still unstable."
(in layman terms, this probably means: we kissed last night but our relationship is still currently under probation)

and i came home pissed about everything after a swell day.

2006-01-14T21:44:00.000+08:00

just when you thought nsf officers should be slightly more compassionate towards fellow servicemen who're planning to just Serve-And-Fuckoff, the theory is proven wrong by a superior i am unfortunately acquainted to.

the fuqtard (in jy's words) is a bastard-idiot-no-brains-fuckhead (in the words of kl); and i agree so, being an innocent bystander who has felt his wrath whenever our paths cross. his witlessness is aggravated and exemplified by ludicrous regulations set by the higher MODerator.

zeal is not a bad thing, as most of us should agree, but compromising welfare for acts of perfectionism is absolutely daft when by doing so you are actually imposing cruelty (in the form of verbal arrows, poisoned with the tongue of the fuqtard) on the fleeting careers of 70% of local male youths aged between 18 to 20. such actions demonstrate an inflexibility and selfishness of thought that negate the potency of a 6-year tertiary education and a 1-month stint at an area in jurong where (supposed) leaders of combat are trained.

in recent times, the fuqtard has decided to render the weekends of his men ineffectual by volunteering them for extraneous training over both days to allow people (who cheat from the government coffers under the guise of civil service) to continue their ascension in status (and salaries) by the tyrannical control of youths in the prime of their life.

the abolition of official school ratings should have given the higher authorities a clue of how unhealthy competition is, therein suppressing the wholesome growth of each and every individual. however, the continuation of a Best Combat Unit Competition only goes to show the lack of foresight and critical thinking in those who control our lives. as you can tell, we are stuck in this autocracy of stupidity and insensitivity with no hope of escape. and the fuqtard is clearly the living epitome of this purpose.

in addition, my superior has decided to ignore the pleas of help from my peers and decided to employ the handphone-low-batt deception technique on my cry for his assistance in their depression

leaving me so utterly disappointed.

2006-01-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

the premonition powers passed down to me by the great oracle has struck gold once again. i am in a course where people are doomed to fail and return on glorious, possibly "fun-filled saturdays" for remedial training.

criterion for passing a practical test is making no more than 1 critical and 1 minor error. impossibility lies in the fact that we have crammed 2 years of jc biology syllabi PLUS extra topics on muscoloskeletal system PLUS a shitload of paramedical nonsense in the last 2 weeks and the test is in 5 working days.

thank goodness in my bunk i have the eliminator-of-sloth-and-laziness-and-harbringer-of-diligence-and-conscientiousness and his mighty influence has created a conducive environment for us to take our books and land it messily on the bunk table while we attempt to study.

unfortunately for us, we also have my classmate haogen and fellow bedok campist chua kl in the bunk, who have effectively rendered our pseudo-mugging sessions useless as we yak nonstop into the night about irrelevant information.

i have since taken up a familiarisation course with DotA to comprehend the gibberish that is constantly exchanged over lectures, canteen breaks and the few minutes after lights-out when everyone is still awake. i am glad to inform that it is going well.

2005-12-31T21:00:00.000+08:00

because

this is the time of the year
we stop our doings
and spread tidings of goodwill
this week has been good to me: with sebastian's greetings for xmas, spending zhiyong's birthday celebrating boxing day at jinx's, a slut outing, a lone movie screening, a suprisingly pleasant RT cover, a fine friday-crossover-saturday duty, an afternoon spent playing The Movies (tm), and later, watching narnia in the comfort of my own home while the year passes me by.

2005 was the year i struggled to keep pace; handled guns; fell in love, out, in, out; remained indifferent and lonely; passed 18, and drank alcohol.

2006 will be the year i struggle to keep pace; handle men; fall in love, out, in, out multiplied n-times; remain indifferent and lonely; pass 19, and lose me youth.

good luck to me-

but most importantly:
for now, let me say
without hope or agenda
just because it's the last day of the year
(and at christmas, i missed the opportunity to tell the truth)
to me, you guys are perfect
and my cold, shattered heart will love all of you
until you piss me off bad.

i love you people. really, i do.

2005-12-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

[spoiler ahead!]

if it were my contact lenses which held back my tears, i probably wouldn't hate myself as much; but the very fact that i wasn't the least bit disturbed by a film of such gargantuan emotional proportions is telling - of what i have evolved to be.

i am positively disappointed with me.

i guess my indifference had something to do with my previous aspiration to become a male gigolo. selling your body is really not much, as long as STDs are out of the question. after all, it's just skin. and a hole/pole. not much.

i was very affected, though, when aunt anna (that f*cking whorebitch) was lazing comfortably in lilya's old house while lilya starved off the cold in some rundown apartment. i would have strangled the old hag if i were her- she kicked lilya out on the excuse that she didn't have enough money to pay for the rent and that the house was too big for lilya alone.

the second surge of emotion arose when andrei was introduced to the plot. something about 'love, cheated' made me mildly annoyed - but especially because his appearance reminded me of a certain someone i fondly remember.

but that were all which made me uncomfortable.
i thought the ending was a pretty happy one and thus i moved on, out of the cinema.

[+] the soundtrack is pretty out-of-this-world. a woman two seats away screamed when one of the more prominent tracks started rolling.

2005-12-21T16:57:00.000+08:00

sigh- glad to be back in singapore.
7 days without internet access (and nothing to do) is torturous.

14.12.05 creative writing

(on the highway to putrajaya)
every now and then we war
to decide who's the bigger pissoff-
crafting words so intricate, we
weave lies into spiderwebs
trapping
wandering emotions in the tapestries.

but poets can only be so distant
transcribing resplendent fantasies
and catastrophic heartbreaks into
mundane theses.
only when the greatest are their
weakest
do they pen marvellous stanzas.

if at the end we
discover
salmonella robbed snow white from her pitiful
happily ever after
do we dare fall
in love again
sunken in a distorted fairytale.

and he can only await the colours
of mardi gras-
consume the pain
in that moment of alocholic ecstasy.

(near midnight)
as i vomit these words on the edge of a water basin
ghosts shroud me with every
scratch.
naivete dreams out of narnia
lay scattered by a strange bedside,
leprechauns dancing by midnight
and the rainbow
slammed shut-
beautiful, but oh, a pot of lies.

i wish you love / i wish you could love

as he treaded on my weakest heel
i flared.

16.12.05 suria klcc

when shopping in a country not as affluent as your own, try not to meet the eyes of shop attendants. too much self-pity and envy in those misty black pearls can rob you off your passion to contribute to the nation's wealth.

17.12.05 alamanda and tv

as more and more i read into italo svevo's as a man grows older, more and more i feel i resemble the protagonist Emilio Brentani in my recent 'adventure' - to be cheated upon by beauty and charm, and frustrated by a friend who reveals too little and yet too much.

this cost me RM10.99, which is only S$4.99! :)

poshest a&w i've ever seen
a person to remember:
Ervina of MFM (Alamanda Putrajaya)

on peace:
if we say 'we need peace, we must have peace now', we're not going to get it. conversely, if we reason that 'there is still time, people may be doing cruel things to each other now, but we can still wait' we might get peace immediately... the most important thing is not to seem to eager, not to BE to eager
- mr economics laureate two double-o five

apparently, this has something to do with game theory.

quote from Ghosts of Mississipi
when you hate, the only person who suffers is you; because most of the people you hate don't know it, (and) the rest don't care.

18.12.05 reading

i never go to the cemetery now... the dead are dead, and comfort can only come from the living. we may wish it otherwise, but so it is. it is the living who have need of us.
- Italo Svevo in the voice of Signorina Elena, As a Man Grows Older

20.12.05 last day (finally)

the cathedral-like mosque (it's not as small as it looks)
random fact: did you know government officials and their family get free lodging (ie. apartments) in putrajaya while (most of) the rest of the nation tries to manage in slum-like conditions?

2005-12-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

these are the movies i want to watch this season:
(this is a hint to ask me out more than once)

these are the movies i do not want to:

and this is a cross between a smurf, piglet and mashimaro.

this is also my birthday present imported from brunei, presented to me by kunlin and junyuan, 2 from the dispensary family. it is also missing a nose.

2005-12-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

i think we all agree that the army is a sad sad place to be, the wayang acts of inefficient (and sometimes very crude) warrant officers and uncompassionate commissioned ones leave us feeling awed by the stupidity of the human race. but sometimes we come to the startling realisation that maybe the saf's not all filled to the brim with nincompoops after all. the most miraculous thing happened today:

a warrant officer (unknown to me) offered to give me a lift

as i was walking out of pasir laba camp tonight, his car stopped short just as i was crossing the road and he wound down the window and inquired me where i was headed. my mom was fetching me anyway so i turned down the offer. but oh the very thought! the out-of-the-blue kindness blew me away and i left the camp happy.

and before you cynical shitheads start giving ridiculous comments that he was probably going to drive me to some ulu corner of the island and rape me due to some weird fetish for joannepeh and ruien-lookalikes (that is, besides the point that i don't look like joannepeh at all and barely look like ruien) it is absolutely not possible because he was driving an suv and therefore is probably happily married to a wife he can fuck all night long.

so there.

2005-11-29T09:39:00.000+08:00

it breaks my heart to know

i probably shouldn't have done this right before i immerse myself into 2 weeks of immense boredom and sleeplessness (as such accentuating the sleeplessness portion), but curiosity got the better of me and i eventually succumbed. and now, for these few weeks i have to live with the overwhelming flood of loneliness and disappointment.

my name has disappeared from the lists of the 2 people that have ever made me feel like i'm in love-

maybe someday i'll manage to live with it, maybe i won't ever. all i can promise is that the capacity of love in me has yet again been robbed from its coffers and anyone i meet next, i can only embrace with less love

until the cycle repeats itself and i lose totally, who i've ever become.

how would you feel if you've just lost 2 chances at love and simultaneously left 2 friendships to retire; well, i feel much colder already- and it's not just the weather.

2005-11-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

in a bid to seem sophisticated after a long time of acting like a bimbo, excuse me while i quote from goethe's faust- (clears throat)

But I don't seek salvation
          In cold calculation;
Man's best feature
          Is the capacity
To control fear;
Whatever the world demands
          In recompense,
The man who feels truly
          Can know the immense.

okay i shall stop feigning sophistication here. i skimmed through part 1 easily, it being mainly prose, but got terribly lost at the 2nd where a hell lot of greek-mythological references were made. but meanwhile, someone can enlighten me what the above implies.

as for today, i met a man who made my dick shrink 10 inches.

2005-11-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

hello fattyland-
major pigging out today with nil exercise: oatmeal chip cookies, non-baked oreo cheesecake and experimental banana crumble without the crumble (need help with the preparation here). would have been aggravated if mom went out to buy the almond extract for a batch of almond crescent cookies.

meanwhile, insights from an anime:

2005-11-19T17:37:00.000+08:00

(insert name of moronic bugger) says:
which uni will u be in next time?
yunfei says:
smu
(insert name of moronic bugger) says:
yucks
lousy place.. oops haha
yunfei says:
no lah
the syllabus is generally general, which is good imho
(insert name of moronic bugger) says:
not established
no direct honours
yunfei says:
well yeah, that's the only bane
(insert name of moronic bugger) says:
talk only no action
empty vases
yunfei says:
what's the point of direct honours if everyone is getting honours?
and hey they have exchanges with uPenn, and that's more established than nanyang
(insert name of moronic bugger) says:
so?
still inferior to nbs
yunfei says:
not necessarily
(insert name of moronic bugger) says:
whatever
BYE

if this mirrors the calibre of nbs students, i'm definitely better of at smu. and this (unconvincing argument), from the mind of a trueblue rafflesian.

i'm disappointed.

2005-11-17T23:53:00.000+08:00

goblet of fire is better.

less magical, more straightforward: isn't exactly recipe for goodness in terms of harry pottie flicks but this one worked out just fine. fast-paced emotional mini-rollercoaster rides made the plot interesting to follow, and exciting till the end.

however, the new albus dumbledore, albeit wittier than before, has lost his ancient wizen look for a ridiculously childish personality. dragon scenes are cut out- terrible terrible move. final challenge aka maze is b-o-r-i-n-g. oh, and too short.

classic retold:
the beast and the err... beastly

... and us smurf-wannabes too!

but now there's no more time for tree-dodging here
that's why we're so fucking bored

2005-11-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

thank goodness for us creative muvo users :)

According to Carl Irwin of the British Chiropractic Association, the device (iPod) could be "a really serious problem" in the form of stress-related injury (RSI). He also went on to say "The action needed to move the wheel on an iPod is totally unnatural and effectively separates the joint in the thumb every time you use it."
http://e.thedivergency.com/post/1/83

all hail the foresight of the great sim wong hoo!
(though i doubt he ever took up physio and anatomy modules anyway)

2005-11-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

42屆金馬獎　得獎名單

◎最佳劇情片：功夫
◎最佳導演：周星馳（功夫）
◎最佳男主角：郭富城（三岔口）
◎最佳女主角：舒淇（最好的時光）
◎最佳新演員：周杰倫（頭文字D）
◎最佳男配角：黃秋生（頭文字D）
◎最佳女配角：元秋（功夫）

tell me how this doesn't qualify as the most ridiculous winners' list for a movie gala event. if the prizes are awarded according to merit, the chinese film industry must be in the era of the big slump.

2005-11-13T13:18:00.000+08:00

unlike normal weekends, the morning was spent doing something constructive, in the form of miraculously turning moderately distasteful items (eg. flour, raw eggs, pudding mix, etc) into batch after batch of scrumptious soft chocolate chip cookies, with a dash of walnut goodness.

now i feel exactly like a julia.

in november's resolution, i shall dedicate a weekend fornightly to learning to bake all sorts of heavenly goodies. i think next shall be a pie. haha- i doubt it'll ever materialise though.

2005-11-07T00:27:00.000+08:00

i used to feel terrible everytime machi appears on mtv. i desperately wish i was born an american chinese for the sake of getting those exceptionally handsome features. and i still do feel the same way if you're wondering, thanks to these two. hmph.

but the one good thing they did is to insert a singaporean into their latest mtv. haha yanzi's absolutely hilarious in this silly music video (with a rap so fast you can barely read the flashing white lines on the screen).

2005-11-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

2005-11-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

banana fantasy (or something)

a dreamy creaminess filled me as the warmth of the baked banana melted into glorious togetherness with the vanilla icecream. mmm-hmmmmmm.

2005-11-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

miserly "aunties" pigging out session
(after screeching impossible songs)
(on deepavali)

2005-10-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

DOMINO was enjoyable. excruciatingly confusing and pointless, but breathtakingly entertaining. worth the 8 bucks, definitely.

look out for keira and the afghan. oscar-worthy acts, by my standards //

Everyone expected me to say that looking after my children all day was the most wonderfully fulfilling thing I'd ever done. Well, it was certainly the hardest thing I'd ever done, but nothing changed my opinion that small children are boring. But now I understood that having kids and raising a family was hard, because anything really worth achieving is hard.

brutally extracted from the best a man can get by john o'farrell.

I understood how all this worked; the riddle was solved in my head. You just have to spend time with the people you love. You don't try to change them, you don't get annoyed because they don't behave how you want them to behave, you put up with boredom or tantrums or repetition and you just spend time with them. On their terms, listening to them telling you about cars their friends bought in Belgium, or what they drew at playgroup or whatever. You have to have patience and just be there. Elderly parent or small child; it's all the same. Just pass time with them and then everyone is happy, even you, in the end.